Chronic unhappiness is serious and should be dealt with. In youth sports, I think we can sometimes get unhappiness confused with disappointment.
Part of the learning process is disappointment because we are all not perfect. As we challenge our children, we are putting them in new situations. We are helping them set a goal, showing them techniques to achieve the goal, and then putting them in a situation where they progress toward that goal, and achieve it. A smooth path from A to Z?
Of course not. There are ups and downs. The ups are happy steps toward their goal, that build confidence, and the downs are disappointments. Coaches/teachers/parents should expect disappointments because we are not perfect. Accepting, and reacting to, the feeling of being disappointed, and knowing that it is a signal that a bump has occurred, makes better athletes and mature human beings. Growth.
It is the “result” of being disappointed that should be important to everyone. We all fall down. I accept the challenge when my star gymnast falls down, or has a bad performance, at a mid-season competition so that we can learn from it rather than falling down at the State Championship. Some of our best coaching comes after a disappointing performance by an athlete.
Some of your best parenting should come after your athlete, your child, has a disappointing performance. Sitting quietly in the back of the car on the way home, “I don’t want to talk,” she says as you see her squeeze her knees tightly to her chest. You are now on stage as the parent, the teacher, the life coach, and the loving partner in this growing-up situation. Relish in the opportunity to positively impact this child.
This is terrific. This is an educational opportunity. Accept that this is a good opportunity to teach your child.
No one can shield a child from disappointment in situations in life. We accept them and use them to “grow” our children into prepared young adults. So that they are prepared when we are not there.
In my coaching eyes, disappointment can sound like:
“I care about performing better.”
“I worked hard for this competition/test, and I came up short of my goal.”
“I am not satisfied with this, and I am going to work hard and do better next time.”
“I want to limit the times I am disappointed because I don’t like this feeling.”
An athlete who doesn’t like being disappointed, and handles it when it happens? Sign them up for my team!
Tom Burgdorf – Author
Email: Tom@gymnetsports.com Web Site: www.Gymnetsports.net Face Book: Tom Burgdorf