Athletes - What Your Coaches Like to See

Yes, you want to make your coaches happy. Think about these things:

 *An athlete who is on time for practice. (Parents, help!)

 *An athlete who comes to practice with a good, positive attitude.

*An athlete who walks up to the coach at the beginning of practice and says “I am going to work hard today.”

*An athlete who walks up to the coach at the beginning of practice and says, “push me today.”

(This isn’t a good one because every coach would faint if that ever happened.)

*An athlete blows a competition and the next practice walks into practice “mad” at her performance. Mad as in Motivated and Driven to improve and make the bad day not happen in the future.

*An athlete, after messing up a routine at a meet, walks over to the coach and says “I blew that, didn’t I.” Not looking for sympathy just accepting that for THAT moment she did not make it happen. (Parents - This is not time for medicine. This is not the time for therapy. This is not the time to worry.) This is the time to celebrate a young person taking responsibility for her/his actions. Fantastic! Incredible! Progress! Growing a better young adult!)

*An athlete, at the end of a hard practice, walks up to the coach and says “thanks, I improved today with your help.”

*An athlete, as she/he leaves the gym, looks over her/his shoulder and says “I am really glad you are my coach and in my life.”

Tom Burgdorf – Author

Email: Tom@gymnetsports.com Web Site: www.Gymnetsports.net Face Book: Tom Burgdorf

A Standing Ovation for The Non-Olympians/The Challenges of Parenting an Athlete

Hours, months, years? Driving, spending, rips, and sweat. Hard work ethic for an amazing challenge. One night to prove yourself under pressure most of us have never felt in sports. The athletes who qualify for the recent Olympic Trials are amazing. Special people to be revered for all of the right reasons we start in youth sports. The special few.

 But some will come up short of their ultimate goal. To write down “Olympic Team” on your To Do List must have been an amazing day and feeling. And to come within a fraction of a second, an inch, or a wobble on beam of achieving your amazingly difficult goal must be almost devastating.

 But they are all so incredibly special.

 To reach high doesn’t always mean you are going to make it. But those who dared to reach for challenging goals are all winners because they will grow from working to challenge themselves. The losers are those who don’t try to reach.

 This isn’t just about the Olympic Challenge. How about all of those Level 10 gymnasts who worked hard but missed out on qualifying for nationals? Or the 8-year-old diver who wanted so desperately to qualify for State, but missed. The freshman who tried out super hard for the JV wrestling team but was cut on the last day of tryouts. These are athletes who set high personal goals and gave it everything they had but fell just short of tears of joy.

 If we have the right perspective in youth sports we can see a lot of “Champions” in our gyms and on our teams. The great coaches and parents recognize that the growth of an athlete and person does not depend on putting on the Olympic uniform of their country. It is wonderful to have a “special few” but thankfully there are so many more amazing accomplishments for each and every ability athlete out there. And the great coaches, parents, and teachers will bring achievable challenges into the lives of each and every 7-year-old we have the privilege of working with.

 We all need to recognize the process and the learning along the way as our ultimate measure of success rather than a gold medal around a child’s neck. Reaching high is absolutely terrific for all of us but winning isn’t necessary to be happy with ourselves. Teach your athletes the important lessons in sports. Reach, work hard, give it your best, and enjoy the ride. The top of the awards podium is nice but to live life always with a “podium in sight” is what most of us will grow from. Personal challenges that take us a little out of the “easy” range makes us all better. Teach your young people about that.

 Tom Burgdorf – Author

Email: Tom@gymnetsports.com Web Site: www.Gymnetsports.net Face Book: Tom Burgdorf

A Successful Season? Parenting An Athlete

Final competitions of the season. Good? Great? Disappointing? A lot of time, money, and energy went into this season. Is the ending result the true measure of the ongoing successes of the past 8/9/10 months?

We all dream of the perfect season. Our young athletes smiling at the end of every challenge and competition. No disappointments and no “tough days.” Realistic? Of course not. The “Cinderella” desires of the athlete, the parents, and the coaches rarely, if ever, happen. Building to a perfect end with all goals achieved including a perfect performance at the final meet…….a nice dream to work toward but we are all more realistic than believing all of these young athletes will experience that.

The end shouldn’t cloud all of the accomplishments and successes of the entire season. Looking back, you can remember those surprising moments, those “wow, look at her” moments. Remember, the end is full of pressure, hopes, and sometimes high expectations that weigh on the shoulders of an 8-year-old athlete. To finish with a great performance is special but unusual.

I hope your season ended in a terrific fashion. For most athletes, parents, and coaches the season-ending competition was “really” good or even sometimes “darn.”

Sports are educational labs of experiments and learning. That is what makes sports such a vital part of the process toward maturity. Use the end results as a teaching moment. Absolutely lean on the successes of the season as you have your “recap” conversations with your athlete.

Another season on the horizon? More challenges? More parent moments sitting on the edge of the bleachers with hands clinched? More coaching moments of holding your breath and watching every single body position during a routine?

Did your athlete make progress this season? Did she overcome some hurdles? Did you see her push hard? Did she get up when she fell? Did she come back from a poor performance? Did you sometimes see toughness? Determination? A desire to achieve? Did you see some of those things throughout the season?

Maturity happening, every sports season.

Share if you think others will benefit.

Tom Burgdorf – Author

Email: Tom@gymnetsports.com Web Site: www.Gymnetsports.net Face Book: Tom Burgdorf

All Children Are Not Created Equal – Parenting An Athlete

5 girls walk into the gym and want to learn gymnastics. All are 8 years old.

Suzie has terrific flexibility but less-than-average strength.

Julie is as strong as an ox but lacks motivation.

Kim has terrific flexibility and strength but lacks confidence.

Paula has it all but doesn’t really like gymnastics, her parents are pushing her into it.

Maggie has most of what she needs but she has been pampered most of her life and doesn’t have a good work ethic.

Suzie doesn’t like Julie.

Kim moves slowly and Maggie is hyper all of the time.

Paula listens and follows directions and Suzie is in “la la land” a lot of the time.

And we, as coaches, are expected to turn these very different children into champions?

Every child comes to us with a set of strengths and weaknesses that we have to work with or change. The progress of each athlete is so much about being a special individual. Over the next several weeks we will see gymnasts competing at their state meets and we will crown the All-Around Champions. Give them a medal or trophy and take pictures. When, the person who learned the most, and progressed the most could be sitting and watching the awards because she moved from 30th to 15th. The child with the “best meet” could very well walk away with no awards.

The job of these sports coaches is so complicated. To deal with so many personalities, body types, attitudes, distractions and maybe even some misguided expectations is a major job.

At the end of your season, I hope that all of the adults involved look at the progress that was made by their athlete rather than the results of the last competition. I also hope that the athletes and the parents take time to appreciate everything their coaches went through and did for their families this season. It would be great if the athletes and the parents showed the coaches their appreciation.

Thankfully, all young athletes are not preprogrammed robots who all do the same thing. Very boring for a coach. Every child is unique. Your child is special. Your child should be allowed, and challenged, to be better with her unique set of qualities. 

Share f you think others would benefit.

Tom Burgdorf – Author

Email: Tom@gymnetsports.com Web Site: www.Gymnetsports.net Face Book: Tom Burgdorf

Be Wowed by Your Athlete at The Big Meet

For your daughter/son to “hit” every routine at the biggest meet of the year would be probably something like a minor miracle. With all of the distractions, the pressure, the expectations, the fear of failure, and on and on, “hit” everything? No wobbles on a 4” beam 4 feet high with everything riding on every move? For an 8-year-old? We are more realistic than that, aren’t we?

Could your daughter/son be 95% successful with their routines in the next few weeks, and you be disappointed? Scary. Pretty stressful on you, too, if you are looking for perfection under the circumstances. Be wowed by all of the things that your athlete does right at the big meet. Understand what they are going through rather than concentrating on what you are hoping for. You know, that minor miracle. There are some parents who will be in the stands who might as well be wearing a t-shirt that says “1st Place Is The Only Place.” I hope that isn’t you.

The biggest meet of the year is a challenge for everyone. I think it is a place where people should marvel at the accomplishments of these young kids. Don’t spoil this special experience by having unrealistic goals for your child. The parents in the stands at the big meet should be shaking their heads in wonderment rather than disappointment. You are watching some exceptional young people out there. Please keep sports in perspective.

Very little of the importance of the big meet has to do with who is holding the biggest trophy at the end.

Tom Burgdorf – Author

Email: Tom@gymnetsports.com Web Site: www.Gymnetsports.net Face Book: Tom Burgdorf

Building Internal Strength in Children

It’s not what is handed to them, it is what they reach for. It is what they desire and what they are willing to work for and be challenged by. Internal strength doesn’t come from what is “easy.” Internal strength comes from individually accomplished challenges, not what the adults have handed out.

Internal strength doesn’t come from being picked up by others but from getting up yourself. Looking in the mirror and saying, “I can do this.” Not looking around and asking, “who can help me.” We are developing a better young adult when we allow them to be challenged. Allow them to evaluate the challenges and then allowing them to prove themselves. Always clearing the path for them creates a dependency on others rather than confidence to clear the hurdle.

Internal strength comes with a price. That price is an early life of “less easy.” Our young adults need to be stronger, tougher, and more willing to bounce back. Our young adults need to know that “they” are the ones that make things happen. Less giving and more earning will make us proud of them later. Less entitlement. Fewer feelings that every minute life will be what you want it to be. Fewer adults bending the rules so that everyone is supposedly successful. Fake success.

Internal strength comes from adults creating situations where children are challenged with attainable success for them. To build confidence. To always give them the answers and to always protect them from slightly uncomfortable situations creates soft children who become soft young adults who become ill-prepared adults for life on their own.

Build internal strength in your children. (Share if you think this message may be beneficial.)

More articles at www.gymnetsports.net

Tom Burgdorf – Author

Email: Tom@gymnetsports.com Web Site: www.Gymnetsports.net Face Book: Tom Burgdorf

Children Need to Strive

What a great word. To stretch out. To reach. To want. To maybe be unsatisfied with your temporary position. To strive for more. To strive for a higher position. To make things happen.

Have I said anything you disagree with yet? Can you strive when you wait for others? Can you strive when you feel entitled? Can you strive when you expect life to make things easy for you?

Youth sports help children step out on their own. Youth sports puts children at the starting line. With a goal, a challenge, and a finish line in front of them. Then the coaches say, "go.” Not "we are at bat, or we are now up on beam," but "go." It is now up to you. The training is over for the moment, and it is now time for you to strive for more. Take your training experiences and put them into performance achievements.

When too many people are at the starting line with a child, it is hard to strive. When too many people are at the starting line with a child, they can be unsure how much they did on their own when the gun goes off; the pitcher throws the ball or the judge salutes. Coaches, parents, and teachers "do their thing" with the idea that getting to the starting line is the goal, with each child prepared for the race with the tools to make it on their own. We step back.

Children must be shown that preparation is necessary and then the performance challenge happens. On their own. Then confidence can develop. Fun in achieving happens, and striving becomes desired. Striving on their own so that they are prepared to strive even more when they drive off to their independent life. Not motivated by their coach, or their teacher or their parent but self-motivated to reach, climb and desire more.

Every day must be filled with attitudes and activities that teach each child that life is about what they are willing to work for. Strive for what will make them happy and successful. Not what will be handed to them. Youth sports help children step out on their own. Without us.

Tom Burgdorf – Author

Email: Tom@gymnetsports.com Web Site: www.Gymnetsports.net Face Book: Tom Burgdorf

Children: “Why didn’t I?” or “How can I?”

I think there is a difference between those 2 questions for children. And adults for that matter. A 7-year-old athlete sees 6 out of 10 boys awarded trophies and his question is “Why didn’t I get a trophy?” Or his comment on the same situation “How can I get a trophy?” One is from a disappointed perspective and the other is from a “show me how” perspective. And you want your children/students/athletes asking which question?

We all understand that children need to be accepted, rewarded, and patted on the back. There comes a time however when a pat on the back is fake when their effort, performance, or attitude did not measure up to what is expected or needed at that moment in a competition or situation. Raising children to “expect” rewards and pats on the back regardless of effort, achievement or attitude is sending the wrong educational signal to them.

“You struck out but we are going to let you go to 1st base anyway.” “You blew the interview but we will give you the job anyway.” “You have a 2.0 GPA in high school, but we will let you into Harvard anyway.” Is that the way we want things to be? Are the above situations going to develop “hard-working” young people? Do we take away all of the finish lines? Do we take away all of the challenges?

Do we take away all of the good “accomplishment feelings?” Give to everyone, regardless. Give a trophy, even to the athlete who came in last. I really have a problem with that. To be honest, I think giving too many awards is an attempt to bribe the athletes into not assessing the situation or maybe “feeling like they need to do a little more” to get the pat on the back or a trophy.

My opinion: great coaches, great teachers, and great parents don’t get all lovey/dovey all of the time with the hugs, pats on the back, and “you are so incredible” for mediocre effort and performance. Sure I have given a “you didn’t really earn this but I can see you need a little pick me up” pat on the back because my athlete/student/child was down at that moment.” That pick-me-up from me was more of an “I have confidence in you” pat rather than something related to the reason they were down. Assessing what each child needs at the moment is what makes great educators out of us.

Rewarding them for mediocrity? Lowering the standards so that everyone can smile? Will we get the hard-working, tough, persistent young adults with high standards that we want?

Athletes who see a goal, maybe it is winning a trophy, and saying to the coach “how can I get one of those” is far different than an athlete who thinks that awards are free samples at a grocery store. A college scholarship is not a free sample. A great job is not a free sample for everyone. A trophy is not a free sample for every athlete.

The above was for probably 7-year-olds and older. Do the 6 & unders really need awards at all?

Tom Burgdorf – Author

Email: Tom@gymnetsports.com Web Site: www.Gymnetsports.net Face Book: Tom Burgdorf

Criticisms or Suggestions for Improvement?

We are all working together to get all our athletes to improve and move forward in their sport. The role of the coach is to motivate, evaluate and make knowledgeable suggestions. There will be times when we have to make the statement "that isn't correct." Our athletes might also hear from us "you can do better." Or "you don't seem to be paying attention right now." These statements are not demeaning. These statements are not meant to hurt. These statements are made to help the athlete understand that things need to change if they want to get better.

If the parents want us to stand by, watch a routine and not make comments, either positive or corrective, your athlete will not improve. Yes, yes, yes, we know there are proper ways to make corrections and the vast majority of the coaches do a fantastic job at that. There are times when we might blurt out a "no, that effort was not what we want." That is not a horrible thing to say.

A key is to have a good coach/athlete relationship where the athlete knows that the coach is in her/his corner, and they are working together for the benefit of the child. Every coach should be able to say "that isn't good enough" without getting a phone call requesting a consultation.

Children raised to seek out suggestions for improvement in their lives will learn more and go farther. Children who are raised to be overly sensitive to evaluations of their performance will miss out on a lot of knowledge that others have that can benefit them.

Children are children, they don't always do the right things. They don't always work hard. They don't always "self-evaluate" correctly. They need knowledgeable adults in their lives helping them grow. Guiding them with the occasional "start working harder if you want to be ready for the meet in 2 weeks."

Every athlete, and parent, should love it when the coach evaluates and offers suggestions for improvement. The alternative is that the child is on her/his own.

Tom Burgdorf – Author

Email: Tom@gymnetsports.com Web Site: www.Gymnetsports.net Face Book: Tom Burgdorf

Devaluing Good Behavior

We all want what is best for the children. Accomplishments, improvement, life lessons, and everything else that will prepare them for the day they drive away to college. Youth sports have a role in the education of our children. So does their schooling and parenting. It is important to concentrate on what is deemed as good behaviors and not-so-good behaviors. Most of the time, children growing into young adults will profit from more good behaviors than not-so-good behaviors.

So, are we benefitting the child if we use phrases like “that is okay.” “No matter what, things will be okay.” “No matter what, everyone gets to compete at the meet.” “No matter what, you win a trophy at this next meet.”

A poor practice or competition or test should not be used to run down the child but it should be used as a new starting point. It is okay for the coach to say “we practiced for this competition and you didn’t quite accomplish what we wanted.” The coach asks the athlete: “Do you agree?” Then they plan for making things better. There is nothing, nothing, nothing wrong with that. In fact, if we try to fake out the child and pat them on the back and say “pretty good job” after a poor competition, we are confusing the child.

No one wants to demean children. No one wants them to feel bad and no one should feel like it is good to reward poor performance or less-than-good behavior. Let’s teach these incredible children high standards. Let’s teach them, through our honest words, what the difference is between a good job and a less than a good job. Let’s teach them, through our words, the difference between hard work and laziness. Let’s teach them that hard work gets them places. Let’s teach them that the world is a competitive place and how to work and compete for what they want.

It is far more educational for a child to hear honest evaluations of their performances rather than fake praise to make sure they are “happy” even after a poor performance or effort. These children can take honest evaluations from people they respect. Honest evaluations are a new starting point for the next challenge. Faking out kids with too many comments like “you are good” when they don’t deserve the praise confuses them and devalues good behaviors. Teachers, please give honest evaluations for growth. Coaches, please give honest evaluations for the purpose of developing better young adults. Parents, please give honest evaluations so that you are confident, as they drive away to their life on their own, that they have the tools necessary to succeed. We must be smart about this.

Tom Burgdorf – Author

Email: Tom@gymnetsports.com Web Site: www.Gymnetsports.net Face Book: Tom Burgdorf

Developing A Great Young Adult Through Youth Sports

One of the goals of most coaches is to develop the whole child rather than base success solely on sports skills and awards. Children learning and adjusting to their youth sports experiences will grow into more well-adjusted "ready" young adults. The scrapes, the pain, the challenges, the disappointments, and the comebacks all help to mold a better-prepared young adult for life after parents and coaches.

Life isn't all pluses. Life isn't always a beautiful morning. Life is about some sleepless nights and sometimes overwhelming challenges, and we all have been there. And continue to be there. We owe it to our children to guide them through some rough patches when they are young so that they can obtain the tools to handle more serious situations later. When they must rely on themselves.

Youth sports are a laboratory of learning. It is not helpful to shield our children from challenging situations. A gymnast can compete with a scraped knee. An 8-year-old shortstop should go back out there the inning after he made 2 errors.

If we protect our children from strike three, if we overreact to a fall off the beam, if we think that the earth will stop if our child doesn't get a trophy at every competition, we are not doing our jobs as coaches and parents. The vast majority of children are resilient. Children can adapt.

The children of our ancestors survived the "go slop the hogs" before going to school. Do we overprotect our children today? Let's not deprive our children of the wonderful experience of "overcoming."

Tom Burgdorf – Author

Email: Tom@gymnetsports.com Web Site: www.Gymnetsports.net Face Book: Tom Burgdorf

Disappointment Can Be Educational

Chronic unhappiness is serious and should be dealt with. In youth sports, I think we can sometimes get unhappiness confused with disappointment.

 Part of the learning process is disappointment because we are all not perfect. As we challenge our children, we are putting them in new situations. We are helping them set a goal, showing them techniques to achieve the goal, and then putting them in a situation where they progress toward that goal, and achieve it. A smooth path from A to Z?

 Of course not. There are ups and downs. The ups are happy steps toward their goal, that build confidence, and the downs are disappointments. Coaches/teachers/parents should expect disappointments because we are not perfect. Accepting, and reacting to, the feeling of being disappointed, and knowing that it is a signal that a bump has occurred, makes better athletes and mature human beings. Growth.

 It is the “result” of being disappointed that should be important to everyone. We all fall down. I accept the challenge when my star gymnast falls down, or has a bad performance, at a mid-season competition so that we can learn from it rather than falling down at the State Championship. Some of our best coaching comes after a disappointing performance by an athlete.

 Some of your best parenting should come after your athlete, your child, has a disappointing performance. Sitting quietly in the back of the car on the way home, “I don’t want to talk,” she says as you see her squeeze her knees tightly to her chest. You are now on stage as the parent, the teacher, the life coach, and the loving partner in this growing-up situation. Relish in the opportunity to positively impact this child.

 This is terrific. This is an educational opportunity. Accept that this is a good opportunity to teach your child.

 No one can shield a child from disappointment in situations in life. We accept them and use them to “grow” our children into prepared young adults. So that they are prepared when we are not there.

 In my coaching eyes, disappointment can sound like:

 “I care about performing better.”

“I worked hard for this competition/test, and I came up short of my goal.”

“I am not satisfied with this, and I am going to work hard and do better next time.”

“I want to limit the times I am disappointed because I don’t like this feeling.”

 An athlete who doesn’t like being disappointed, and handles it when it happens? Sign them up for my team!

 Tom Burgdorf – Author

Email: Tom@gymnetsports.com Web Site: www.Gymnetsports.net Face Book: Tom Burgdorf

Bring Us, Coachable Athletes/Students

 Help! As coaches and teachers, we accept the responsibility you have entrusted in us to teach your children. But improvement and progress can be made easier if you send us a coachable child.

The child you drop off at the gym or at the ball field is a product of your parenting. Some of the kids are eager, some show up unmotivated. Some get out of the car ready to listen and follow directions and others are ready to challenge everything the coach has to say. Some kids are positive, some negative. Thank goodness for the parents who are working at home to raise children who respect authority, are eager, happy, aggressive, and who realize the importance of learning!

 Coaches and teachers too often have to "pull" some children to learn and improve with the child giving less than 100% effort. The more successful athletes and students are driven, and respectful and know that they are a work in progress. The children who are difficult to teach are the ones who are given too much, don't have to work for rewards, and are constantly told that they are terrific. How do you learn a hard work ethic when you are given everything?

We, parents/coaches/teachers, are in the business of building these children. Not by doing all of the work but by providing opportunities and guidance. Eventually, they leave us. Prepared to do it on their own? Prepared to expect others to make sure they are successful? Your choice.

On every team and in every class, there are coachable kids who will make it. The others in the class need extra help, have poor attitudes, whine, are pampered, and will have trouble relying on themselves when the time comes.

 We are cheating our young people if we don't instill great traits when they are developing. Fall down, get up without looking for someone to help you. Try once, twice, and sometimes 3 times. Don't expect handouts. Life is a challenge and hard workers do better. Respect adults. Listen rather than speak so much. Understand that the adults in your life know a lot more than you do.

We are all cheating these kids if we don't have high expectations for them. Realistic high expectations tailored for each child. A "B" isn't good enough if they have the capability of an "A." A coach is "helping your athlete’ when they say "you could have performed better." Help us raise your children.

 It is time the pampered, lazy, soft, entitled, selfish kids got a wake-up call Let's do it now rather than when they are driving off to college.

Tom Burgdorf – Author

Email: Tom@gymnetsports.com Web Site: www.Gymnetsports.net Face Book: Tom Burgdorf