I think there is a difference between those 2 questions for children. And adults for that matter. A 7-year-old athlete sees 6 out of 10 boys awarded trophies and his question is “Why didn’t I get a trophy?” Or his comment on the same situation “How can I get a trophy?” One is from a disappointed perspective and the other is from a “show me how” perspective. And you want your children/students/athletes asking which question?
We all understand that children need to be accepted, rewarded, and patted on the back. There comes a time however when a pat on the back is fake when their effort, performance, or attitude did not measure up to what is expected or needed at that moment in a competition or situation. Raising children to “expect” rewards and pats on the back regardless of effort, achievement or attitude is sending the wrong educational signal to them.
“You struck out but we are going to let you go to 1st base anyway.” “You blew the interview but we will give you the job anyway.” “You have a 2.0 GPA in high school, but we will let you into Harvard anyway.” Is that the way we want things to be? Are the above situations going to develop “hard-working” young people? Do we take away all of the finish lines? Do we take away all of the challenges?
Do we take away all of the good “accomplishment feelings?” Give to everyone, regardless. Give a trophy, even to the athlete who came in last. I really have a problem with that. To be honest, I think giving too many awards is an attempt to bribe the athletes into not assessing the situation or maybe “feeling like they need to do a little more” to get the pat on the back or a trophy.
My opinion: great coaches, great teachers, and great parents don’t get all lovey/dovey all of the time with the hugs, pats on the back, and “you are so incredible” for mediocre effort and performance. Sure I have given a “you didn’t really earn this but I can see you need a little pick me up” pat on the back because my athlete/student/child was down at that moment.” That pick-me-up from me was more of an “I have confidence in you” pat rather than something related to the reason they were down. Assessing what each child needs at the moment is what makes great educators out of us.
Rewarding them for mediocrity? Lowering the standards so that everyone can smile? Will we get the hard-working, tough, persistent young adults with high standards that we want?
Athletes who see a goal, maybe it is winning a trophy, and saying to the coach “how can I get one of those” is far different than an athlete who thinks that awards are free samples at a grocery store. A college scholarship is not a free sample. A great job is not a free sample for everyone. A trophy is not a free sample for every athlete.
The above was for probably 7-year-olds and older. Do the 6 & unders really need awards at all?
Tom Burgdorf – Author
Email: Tom@gymnetsports.com Web Site: www.Gymnetsports.net Face Book: Tom Burgdorf